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Funny Valentine
Valentine
Series JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Age 48
Sex Male
Height Unknown
Weight Unknown
Alignment Lawful Evil
My heart and actions are utterly unclouded. They are all those of Justice.
~ Funny Valentine
Funny Valentine is the main antagonist from Part 7 of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. He is the president of the United States of America.

Background

When Funny was a child, his father went to war, and never came back. One day, a soldier named Captain Valentine came to his house and told him that his father was captured by the enemy; and that after resisting intense torture, in order not to betray his country, he committed suicide. He retained a handkerchief (horrifically, behind his eye); which Captain Valentine gave to Funny.

While training during the American Civil War, Valentine's company perished in a desert. Valentine himself, exhausted, fell onto the site of the Holy Corpse's Heart; when his life was saved, and he inferred the existence of a complete Corpse.

At some point later, he was captured by the enemy and brutally whipped; leaving scars spanning his back (in a pattern resembling that of the flag of the United States).

Years later, he helped promote the Steel Ball Run race, as it was a plot set up by Valentine and the down-on-his-luck promoter, Steven Steel to scope through the United States to get the Holy Corpse Parts which were rumoured to have life changing power. As he hosted and monitored the event, he'd send out people of his choosing to make sure things didn't go haywire in the process while at the same time trying to find pieces of the corpse parts themselves.

By obtaining the corpse, the President, being a patriot, wishes to use its power to bring a better future to America by merging his stand and the corpse's power to deflect all misfortunes befalling on his country to other foreign countries.

During the Race, Valentine employs many assassins to kill both Gyro Zeppeli and Johnny Joestar, who were interfering with his cause.

Powers & Abilities

  • Stand - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (D4C for short): President Valentine's Stand possesses massive strength and speed, but its main gimmick is the ability to travel between dimensions.
    • Interdimensional Travel: D4C allows different parallel dimensions to co-exist at the same time and/or in the same place. It also allows its user to visit these parallel worlds/dimensions and interact with them. Valentine travels by being closed between two objects, shown first by the use of a door against a wall. Liquid materials, such as water count as objects as well, and even dust or steam. Valentine only needs a part of himself put between two objects to be able to hop between dimensions. Valentine can also pull other people or items to other dimensions by forcing them between two objects. Valentine usually performs the latter by slamming a door on them while they are backed against a wall. However, as no two versions of the same person or thing can co-exist in the same dimension, one of them will have to go back into their own. If not, and if they get too close to one another, both will crumble, splitting into Menger sponges before obliteration. This rule does not apply to Valentine himself. With this ability, he can potentially survive most wounds, as he can just switch his body for one from another dimension. Furthermore, he can summon any number of alternate versions of himself to a target dimension in order to outnumber his opponents. These Valentines do not have D4C's of their own however, this Stand seemingly being wholly unique to the Root World's Valentine.

Alternate Forms

D4C Love Train

Another form acquired after Lucy Steel acquired her own Stand, which granted Valentine this power, which consists of granting Valentine a nearly-indestructible barrier that deflects misfortune and damage, and sends it to a far corner of the Earth. Objects and landscape are constantly modified when this ability is active.

In this form, even the most insignificant of attacks can be deadly. However, to actually attack someone, Valentine needs to come out of the barrier briefly. When this is active, any wound can become fatal, as the damage constantly shifts its position, and it could reach a vital spot.

Feats

Strength

  • Can break down a door with just his elbow.
  • D4C can cut a horses' neck open.
  • D4C is strong enough to send someone a couple of metres in the air with its punches.
  • D4C can cut a person's hand off with just a single karate chop.
  • D4C can punch through a person's body.
  • D4C can knock away Deigo Brando.

Speed

  • Reacted to a surprise attack from Lucy Steel.
  • Capable of grabbing Diego Brando's raptors with his bare hands.
  • Perfectly dodged a barrage of attacks from Diego Brando.
  • Cut off Johnny's hand before he could perform his attack.
  • Can perceive and react to bullets.
  • D4C can keep up with Johnny Joestar's tusk which is faster than light.
  • D4C can react to Deigo Brando.

Durability

  • Survived getting stabbed in the neck for long enough to swap himself for another Valentine.
  • Survived getting gunned down by Johnny's Nail Bullets.
  • Survived a brutal beating from Diego Brando.
  • Survived Johnny's Golden Spin without using D4C's ability.
  • Can withstand the gravity of multiple dimensions at the same time.
  • D4C can take hits from Gyro's steelballs and hits from Tusk Act 4.

Skill

  • He can play the mandolin with his feet (with shoes on).
  • Killed Gyro Zeppeli, Hot Pants and Deigo Brando.
  • Gained a 91% approval rating and became president of of the US. 

Weaknesses

  • The only effective way to kill him is to dispose of all of his current copies with a single hit, leaving him no time to travel to other worlds.
  • While using Love Train, he has to abandon the barrier to attack.
  • Love Train only works when Lucy Steel is near Valentine.
  • Love Train's barrier can be destroyed if it the Infinite Spin is used on it.

Fun Facts

  • He's named after the song My Funny Valentine, and his Stand is named after the AC/DC song Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.
  • Valentine's catchphrase "Dojyaaa~~n!" literally means "Tada!" in Japanese.
  • The real 23rd U.S. president was Benjamin Harrison. Interestingly, there is exactly one month's difference between their birthdays (Harrison's was August 20th, and Valentine's is September 20th).

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